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SoTheyBeatHimSenselessly
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Name: Carl
Birthday: 9/24/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Dinosaurs. West Nile Disease.
Expertise: outer space. stories of hope.
Occupation: patient.
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/29/2004
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| I know that I skipped week three. But honestly, week three was too tough to write about. THings happend that I don't want to remember. And neither should you. Well, this marks one month. six left.
six left....
West Nile Virus isn't a fad, it's life. That's what i want to say to the world. i was recently having tea with my friend kyle. he just got back from a chinese country and told them my story- carl's story. after hearing of my journey through what they thought was a place called West Nile Virus, all the monks grew weary and felt great pity. they wanted to help me on my journey through this place called West Nile Virus. (side-note. even though i thought the monks were mistaken when they refered to The Virus as a place i actually think that it was me who was mistaken. This is a place. literally. everyday me wakes up to this place. i realize i have to find some kinda transportation out of the place. maybe a mathematical airport, or a magical trolley. like that eisley song. i think it's called "magical trolleywood." they couldn't have said it better. i need to find it and get to it and approach it with caution.) anyways. the monks wanted to help me so they gave kyle some special tea. they told me that the tea would give me strength to travle through the land of West Nile Virus. In all actuallity the tea is a heavy hallucinogen. I started seeing huge, human-sized mosquitos. Kyle tried to tell me what he saw but i stopped him and told him it didn't matter cause he wasn't the one dying of West Nile Virus and the monks didn't even tell that mooch to have any. But i did appreciate the tea, and the monetary donations everyone has been sending my family through project, "People Who Have West Nile Still Have to Pay Bills" or "PWHWNSTHPB."
six left...
carl kevinsoncarlsonjohnson (who was a drunk that left his wife and six children on a make-shift raft on the missouri river) | | |
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It's raining outside. Figures. well, i'll try and give you a bit of an update: most everyone close to me knows about what's happening now. i've been getting a lot of calls from people i didn't expect to hear from. there have been several really akward conversations. but i try and get people to forget about all this and just have a good time. i've dropped out of most of my classes at school because there didn't seem to be a point to it. I chose to stay in a creative writing class because i think it could do me some good. I've been writing poetry. You don't have to tell me what you think of it, i'm just posting it on here for me:
Mos Qui (Toe)
the Time,
oh so short,
like a catapult,
swinging like a clock,
that is the clock of
time, which is like
a gun.
little insect friend,
or should i say foe,
i could've crushed you
with one lousy toe.
but no, you are
a catapult.
of time.
couldn't quite see
the hole you made (in me)
but i felt it hard
in my heart.
for ever.
and always.
amen.
I kind of think that that one is more like a prayer than a poem. That's why i ended it with "amen". I'll give a health update here soon. today, i jusst feel like this thing has already beat me. i can't remember where i heard this quote, but it's what i want to tell all of you:
"hold your loved ones close. build a fire and sit by it close. never let the fire die, or your loved one might die too."
carl kevinson
(you might have noticed that i changed my last name. This is only to honor my father. Even though his last name is Corder and my former last name was Corder i think "kevinson" honors his life more than "Corder". dad, may the last days of my life honor all the days of your life. amen.)
EDIT
just to let everyone know, i started a blogring about West Nile for support. This isn't for me, it's for awareness. If you feel like this incident has impacted you at all, you should join the blogring. it's called "West Nile Don't Play" Thankyou
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Well, this has all been pretty weird to me. Telling people is more difficult than I thought. How do you tell someone something like this? A lot of my close family are planning trips to Indy in the next couple months. I want some individual time with each of them. I've been brainstorming ideas on what to do with the time left. Wow, it feels wierd to say that. But I'd like to take a road trip by myself out West. The only bad part about that is that I'm finding I want people around me all the time. I've asked a lot of my friends to come over in the middle of the night because when I'm alone the Fear gets to me. It helps so much when someone is there with you to take your mind of off things. But I'd like a trip alone out West. Maybe to just say goodbye. I hate that there is this much time before then and now. I would much rather have this end fast. But if I have the time, then I really want to spend it getting to the core of things. I haven't talked to my parents about this yet, but I'm thinking of going out quiet. Maybe hitchhike to Canada and head into the woods. I know this is the Romantic in me speaking, but I think it'd be good to gather all my friends and family and have a going away party outside of a large forest. And I could say my goodbyes to everyone. Once the party was over I chould wave to everyone "goodbye" and then walk into the woods. I think it'd be better to hit it straight on. Any thoughts on this?
Um, so far, i havevn't even felt sick much. I know it's inside of me and i know it's coming, but mostly i've just been pretty tired recently. The doctors told me I'd start sleeping anywhere from 11 to 16 hours a day. I'd like to prevent this, but we'll see what happens. Just like John Hicks says "are you gonna sleep your life away???" haha. maybe john... maybe.
THings I don't want:
you to feel sorry for me. If this is it, then let's have fun.
you to ask questions about my funeral.
you to ask me "are you serious?" this is very serious.
you to try and give me hope that I might get better.
carl
I'll post again soon. | | |
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I have bad news everybody.
I've got West Nile Virus.
The doctors are saying I've got 7 months left. (to live)
I'll be keeping an online journal for this last portion of my life. I'll keep you updated and informed on how the WNV gradually takes over my body. Hopefully this journal can change some things about how we view WNV and even the smartest of us can learn something about how precious life really is. I don't want sympathy, I'm just inviting you along with me as I take steps to learn the real essence of life in these last few moments on Planet Earth.
Your friend, and brother and sister,
carl kevinson
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frankly, i'm flattered somebody wanted to steal my life.
"mr. corder, it appears on may 2006 someone applied for and recieved a credit card in your name."
"huh...oh my....well thankyou."
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