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Well, this has all been pretty weird to me. Telling people is more difficult than I thought. How do you tell someone something like this? A lot of my close family are planning trips to Indy in the next couple months. I want some individual time with each of them. I've been brainstorming ideas on what to do with the time left. Wow, it feels wierd to say that. But I'd like to take a road trip by myself out West. The only bad part about that is that I'm finding I want people around me all the time. I've asked a lot of my friends to come over in the middle of the night because when I'm alone the Fear gets to me. It helps so much when someone is there with you to take your mind of off things. But I'd like a trip alone out West. Maybe to just say goodbye. I hate that there is this much time before then and now. I would much rather have this end fast. But if I have the time, then I really want to spend it getting to the core of things. I haven't talked to my parents about this yet, but I'm thinking of going out quiet. Maybe hitchhike to Canada and head into the woods. I know this is the Romantic in me speaking, but I think it'd be good to gather all my friends and family and have a going away party outside of a large forest. And I could say my goodbyes to everyone. Once the party was over I chould wave to everyone "goodbye" and then walk into the woods. I think it'd be better to hit it straight on. Any thoughts on this?
Um, so far, i havevn't even felt sick much. I know it's inside of me and i know it's coming, but mostly i've just been pretty tired recently. The doctors told me I'd start sleeping anywhere from 11 to 16 hours a day. I'd like to prevent this, but we'll see what happens. Just like John Hicks says "are you gonna sleep your life away???" haha. maybe john... maybe.
THings I don't want:
you to feel sorry for me. If this is it, then let's have fun.
you to ask questions about my funeral.
you to ask me "are you serious?" this is very serious.
you to try and give me hope that I might get better.
carl
I'll post again soon. |
| | Posted 9/16/2007 8:07 PM - 22 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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